Bless in a mess.

It's a pretty chill Saturday night and I suddenly had a deep thought about how every person that I met for the past 3 months was from the different phases of my life. I honestly felt that they somehow made an impact in my life.

I'm trying my best for now to not overthinking about the unnecessary things. I don't understand either why certain things could bother me so much when I could brush off everything easily.

I'm really thankful to those who have been there for me ever since I was in these dark hole and I know I've been very difficult. I've been so affected by what people thought of me, talked about me that I was really a mess. I'm really upset with myself. Everyday, I kept reminding myself that everything happened for a reason. Every person that I met was a blessing.

I pray that after this, I'm able to let myself free from all the sadness. (And keeping myself away from the deep shits and trouble that I create myself) I need to get rid of this fear where if I'm too happy, bad things will happen next. I want to be able to care about my own feelings as much as I care for others. 

In Sha Allah I'm fine, I'll be fine and better days are coming...

To you,
He hears my prayer and I was really happy that we had the chance to talk because for once, I forget about all the sadness that I was feeling. I'm so proud of every step that you take and I really enjoyed talking to you so much, especially when it comes to your passion and family. I know I wasn't making anything better for you. I was still fragile, didn't want to get my hopes up again, didn't want to let myself get attached to someone because I know I will get disappointed and you wouldn't feel the same way. I'm so happy that you found your happiness now. It was enough for me to see you from afar, like literally haha. God plans like we say.