It has been one of a journey this year. It went a little crazy for me but nevertheless, I know after through it all, there's always a reason for everything that happened.
I must say, it's a year about self-discovery, getting my shits together and putting myself first.
I believed that you're unable to love others if you lack of self-love and when you gave too much love to others, it will disappoint you.
Self-care is just not about treating myself to vacation, to a spa or buying anything luxurious. (Tho at times, I was too angry or sad that I did all of this without thinking.) But really, self-care is being mentally healthy. I have to be honest that I overthink about anything, a lot. And the only time that keeps my mind at bay was when I'm asleep.
I don't allow myself to be happy even when I'm truly are. I had melt down in the middle of the day and night. You know it's like I'm self torturing myself with words in my thoughts which is really that bad. It's like a bad trait but I'm better now, Alhamdulillah. I learn how to overcome it, slowly.
While in a midst of the mess, I did travel to places. Well, it was just an excuse to escape from my misery period but I must say, I did enjoy every one of it. I get to see new places, experienced new things and enjoy the moment with the people that I love. One thing that I learnt from all the trip is, I have to stop being so angsty and grumpy!!! Something that I need to work on.
I wanna say, I'm really, really thankful for everyone who constantly checking up on me during the mess and even now. I feel like I'm seeking so much attention online and therefore, I'm sorry. I appreciate for everyone who has been there for me whether I knew you for a short period of time or long enough that my jokes are getting lamer every time we meet.
Not forgetting, thank you to my dear self, for not giving up on yourself when at one point of time, you wanted to. One day, when you look back to this year, you will have so many question like what happened, what went wrong, why were you feeling a certain way. I want you to know that everything will not matter at all. The only thing that you should take from 2018 was the lesson learnt, to love yourself.
For now, I do not have much plans for 2019. All I know is, I need to work even harder in 2019 for school. That is my main priority.
(If only I can kill the habit of procrastination that I've in me)
I hope 2018 has been great for all of you. If it doesn't. it's ok! Look, you've made it and 2019 will be a brand new start for you. I'll pray for all of us to be successful in achieving the good things that we are planning for. In sha Allah, Ameen! Please keep me in your prayers too, hehe!
Have a blessed 2019!
Lots of love,
Namirah
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