Turning 23.

Another year, another birthday.

I remember waking up in the morning not wanting to get up, neither turning up for school or attend my birthday dinner. I muted my whatsapp and shut myself down for the morning. In the end with no choice, I drag myself out of my bed.

After the whole weekend incident, I sat down and thought about my behaviour especially to my surroundings. Everyday, I thank Him for the life that He have given me. I'm grateful for the things that I was provided with but once things doesn't go my way, I get upset. I allow the sadness to consume me. I failed to remember the little things.

If there is one thing that taught me was to stop complaining and be sincerely grateful. Like..why am I still complaining when I have a roof top of my head, food on my table and lovely people who wants to be around me. For a second, it hits me real hard when H said to me "Not everyone had the chance to live up to 23. Think about it."

For now, it's enough. Alhamdulillah.

Hello, Hiroshima

The third trip for my summer holiday we went to Japan.

We were supposed to spend the whole week in Osaka but somehow overlooked the date and so we had a day in Hiroshima!

Since we had an hour before checking in to our hotel, we managed to settle our train pass for the rest of our stay in Japan which was prebooked. Our hotel was so convenient that the train station and bus station was just a minute walk.

After checking in and washed up, we took the bus to explore Hiroshima. The last time I was in Japan was 4 years ago and only get to explore Tokyo and Hokkaido. Quite excited to explore some of the parts of Japan.

Had our late lunch at Akushu Cafe which is near to the Atomic Bomb Dome. We head on to the top of Hiroshima Orizuru Tower. Ahhhh - The view was breathtaking, it was so peaceful.

After a long walk we played games at the arcade and found a place for supper. Even though we have a train to catch at 10am in the morning the next day, we stayed up late to play some games till the receptionist had to call us up to lower down our volume :P  

Next up, Osaka!

Bless in a mess.

It's a pretty chill Saturday night and I suddenly had a deep thought about how every person that I met for the past 3 months was from the different phases of my life. I honestly felt that they somehow made an impact in my life.

I'm trying my best for now to not overthinking about the unnecessary things. I don't understand either why certain things could bother me so much when I could brush off everything easily.

I'm really thankful to those who have been there for me ever since I was in these dark hole and I know I've been very difficult. I've been so affected by what people thought of me, talked about me that I was really a mess. I'm really upset with myself. Everyday, I kept reminding myself that everything happened for a reason. Every person that I met was a blessing.

I pray that after this, I'm able to let myself free from all the sadness. (And keeping myself away from the deep shits and trouble that I create myself) I need to get rid of this fear where if I'm too happy, bad things will happen next. I want to be able to care about my own feelings as much as I care for others. 

In Sha Allah I'm fine, I'll be fine and better days are coming...

To you,
He hears my prayer and I was really happy that we had the chance to talk because for once, I forget about all the sadness that I was feeling. I'm so proud of every step that you take and I really enjoyed talking to you so much, especially when it comes to your passion and family. I know I wasn't making anything better for you. I was still fragile, didn't want to get my hopes up again, didn't want to let myself get attached to someone because I know I will get disappointed and you wouldn't feel the same way. I'm so happy that you found your happiness now. It was enough for me to see you from afar, like literally haha. God plans like we say.